suadade

From wiki...
"In his book In Portugal of 1912, A.F.G Bell writes: "The famous saudade of the Portuguese is a vague and constant desire for something that does not and probably cannot exist, for something other than the present, a turning towards the past or towards the future; not an active discontent or poignant sadness but an indolent dreaming wistfulness."


Saudade is different from nostalgia. In nostalgia, one has a mixed happy and sad feeling. A memory of happiness but a sadness for its impossible return and sole existence in the past. Saudade is like nostalgia but with the hope that what is being longed for might return, even if that return is unlikely or so distant in the future to be almost of no consequence to the present. One might make a strong analogy of Nostalgia as a feeling one has for a loved one that has died and saudade as a feeling one has for a loved one that has disappeared. Nostalgia is located in the past and is somewhat conformist while saudades is very present, anguishing, anxious and extends to the future. "

For our 5th anniversary (April 20th for those of you who don't know...) Matthew gave to me a cd containing two lectures given by Nick Cave. One is about writing the LOVE song....and the other is entitled "the word made flesh" (or vica versa i can't remember!)

In regards to writing the love song, a GOOD one, Cave says that there must be "suadade"...a longing...a sadness..that love songs are always sad. the good ones stay with you, as you change they change...


Borges swims in it...the love of dreams, and myths, both, intellectual and untouchable loves...



so, as i have given much, much, much thought to these very subjects...longing, sadness, love...especially over the past couple of years.

i might be one of those (un)fortunate souls...born into a state of suadade...

i long for the sea,
i long for thee,
i long for the cool shade of enormous trees,
i long for a time that isn't this time...


suadade. the hope for something that you know won't happen...you know deep down that it will never, ever in a million years happen...
but deeper down, in your heart of hearts you can clearly picture it...
and it haunts you.
like a ghost...lost.

and you try to tell yourself that life goes on..?

YES!

life; beautiful and amazing, glorious and glowing, ever mysterious, ever changing... it moves,
and i have moved...and i am much better for it...

why is longing for something bad... if you can make that longing into something beautiful?
i feel that suadade can be a catalyst for amazing acts, for charity, art, new love, spirituality...do we not all also harbor that same longing for God?

perhaps that is where the lines cross?

let me see your beauty broken down...

"With thee conversing I forget all time,
All seasons and their change, all please alike.
Sweet is the breath of morn, her rising sweet,
With charm of earliest birds; pleasant the sun
When first on this delightful land he spreads
His orient beams, on herb, tree, fruit, and flower,
Glistring with dew; fragrant the fertile earth
After soft shower; and sweet the coming on
Of grateful evening mild, then silent night
With this her solemn bird and this fair moon,
And these the gems of heav'n, her starry train:
But neither breath of morn when she ascends
With charm of earliest birds, nor rising sun
On this delightful land, nor herb, fruit, flower,
Glistring with dew, nor fragrance after showers,
Nor grateful evening mild, nor silent night
With this her solemn bird, nor walk by moon,
Or glittering starlight without thee is sweet."

.....from Paradise Lost by John Milton (1608-74)

"an investigation of the word"

I am in the midst of reading, and attempting to comprehend, Borges' "Selected Non-Fictions"...
What genius and imagination! What sheer effervescence!
( and what am I doing..silly little me.. trying read through, and understand these essays?! )
This week I have finished "A Doctrine of Cycles", "An Investigation of the Word", and am just now moving onto a favorite, "A History of Eternity".
I cannot put into words what his writing means to me, or exactly how it has inspired my life and dreams...

Does this change everything?

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2006/04/0406_060406_judas.html

Herb Walk in Tryon park...yea botany!

this is a picture of our cute plush goodies by My Paper Crane...

This is more of an exercise in brushing up on my Latin... yesterday my class went on a wonderful hike in Tryon Park (nestled in SW Portland, next to Lewis and Clark college) and we spotted the following plants:
Trillium ovatum: if you were to pick this amazing flower...it would take 7 years for it to grow back! The oldest recorded Trillium ovatum in Oregon is over 100 years old!
Viola glabella, wood violet: edible and medicinal...we spotted yellow ones, but they come in colors ranging from purple to white...lovely little plants.
Hydrophyllum tenuipes, waterleaf: edible and rampant...
Veratum sp., hellebore: POISON one or tow bites of this would do you in. For good!
Plantago major, plantain: medicinal...the ones we saw were only babies.
Urtica dioica, nettles: edible (once cooked, stinging rat bastards raw, unless of course you are a nettle fairy and can pick them without being stung!) medicinal...a cup of nettle tea-a-day keeps the doctors away..YAY!
Galium aparine, cleavers: edible and medicinal, cleavers rock and I bet there are some growing in your yard right now...they're in mine!
Asarum caudatum, wild ginger: holy moly...this plant smells like a food of the gods...and it tastes like it too...
Lysichiton americanum, skunk cabbage: stinky. there's not too much you can do with it, pretty, but stinky. An amazing creature, it tries to mimic the smell of carrion as to attract the bugs to reproduce it. A member of the Lily family the flower greatly resembles a Cala lily...grows in bog-gy type places.
Berberis nervosa and Mahonia nervosa, Oregon Grape: Not only the state flower of Oregon, but a highly useful medicinal that pretty much replaces Goldenseal, works wonders in conjunction with Thuja plicata (Red Cedar).

to be continued...

why-o why-o

these are just a couple of pictures of our recent trip to the farm. we miss it so!